party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
