Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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