yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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