Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
