Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
