my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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