I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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