You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
