You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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