I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
