dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
