Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize