If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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