no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex on a dog bed..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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