so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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