between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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