mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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