Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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