my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
