Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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