Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
