The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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