and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
