Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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