Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
