I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
