Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
