Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
