i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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