He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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