you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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