he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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