Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
