The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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