I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
