New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
