Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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