I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
