We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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