he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize