my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
