Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
