You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
