Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
