just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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