Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
