thus making me awesome and them whores
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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