Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
