Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
