even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
