I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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