I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
