He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
