In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There was a lot of him and a little penis
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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