It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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