Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
