hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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