watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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