How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
