Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
