i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
